Just Say Julie

One year ago this morning, I woke up to a text that said, "I'm OK. It's not me." A couple of years earlier after a local officer was shot and I couldn't reach Chris, he agreed to text me if there were any incidents over night to let me know he was OK.  I didn't know what had happened when I woke up on September 18th last year but I knew it wasn't good if I was getting that text. I immediately started scanning Twitter for any news of what might be going on. And then I found it: a car had been swept away in the flood waters overnight and the driver was missing. Based on the location of the incident, I knew his shift had been involved in the search. I just wasn't sure how they were being effected by this. I finally got Chris on the phone about an hour later and what I heard wasn't good. He couldn't tell me what was going on but he was upset. All I was able to get out of him was someone he knew was not OK. The news finally broke on my way to work...

It's no secret to anyone that I have been in a bit of a funk for a while now.  I just seem to be in one of those places where life is getting me down.  Every time I turn around something has happened and all I've wanted is a little break.  Something good for a change.  I don't want to jinx us and say things are starting to turn around but I can say that the last couple of weeks have been an improvement over the first 2 months of this year. Yesterday, I was in a really good mood.  I can't say that there was in particular reason but I was happy for the first time in what seemed like ages.  My company was having a party at the end of the day to celebrate a major contract award and that just seemed to be making the whole day go well.  Everybody was in a good mood at work and we all seemed genuinely happy to be there.  For the first time since I started there nearly 3 years ago, they brought in tacos, margaritas, and beer for everyone to enjoy. ...

I decided to take a pregnancy test a year ago today on a whim after watching the episode of Life Unexpected where Shiri Appleby's character found out she was pregnant.  Something about her symptoms struck a cord with me.  I had been feeling off but didn't think much about it. Imagine my shock when I took the test (alone since Chris was at work) and it was positive.  (I took 3 more before it was over it just to reassure myself.)  I read the directions about 5 times to make sure I was reading the test right and then I took a second one to make sure.  It was so hard not to be able to share my excitement with Chris once the initial shock wore off.  Trying to sleep after learning that news was awful. I could barely wait till he got home the next morning.  I called him as soon as his shift was over to see what he had to say about the numerous texts he had received over the evening. I was always on the fence about becoming a mother but I feared I would miss...

I have so many things that I want to blog about right now (Penn State, Halloween, step parenting) but I am having a hard time finding the time to squeeze in blogging.  Our days are just insane.  And, every time I say something, I feel like I am whining because I know I am not any busier than anyone else.  Please know that I am not trying to complain. This is just something I feel the need to talk about.  We are completely running ourselves ragged right now and I am praying it will stop soon.  How is having 2 kids so much harder than having one? Is it because Jackson is still a baby and needs our full attention?  I finally realized how much I needed a break today when I was talking to a coworker about some upcoming events at work and she mentioned how tired I looked. Suddenly I was in tears for no reason other than the fact someone noticed and told me I needed to take a day to myself.  Something has to give.  I am just not sure I can figure ou...

Sunday was our last full day in Tennessee before we flew back to Austin Monday morning.  I definitely didn't want our trip to end but neither one of us had much time off work and we already taken care of the important part of the trip: getting married.  However, I realized that Sunday morning as I handed Chris his Father's day cards from Kiddo and Maverick that I was going to be faced with a dilemma in a year.  Indeed, our first anniversary would fall on Father's Day.  So I would have to share the day with a celebration for Chris.  Little did I realize at the time that Mother's Day would also fall on Chris's birthday.  I have been so cheated this year.  At least I get my birthday all to myself unless Jackson makes his appearance early but I digress. Since we finally had time to relax a bit now that the wedding was over and we had finished all the running around related to the festivities, we were finally able to take in the scenery around the lodge. ...

So the big day had finally arrived.  I can't say I was nervous or anxious because I was pretty comfortable with my decision to marry Chris.  I was just excited and ready for the ceremony.  As with the rest of our trip up to that point, we hit the ground running that morning.  First it was breakfast at the lodge and then it was time to start getting ready.  While I was getting my hair done and a pedicure, Chris was enjoy a massage at the salon.  We then had to swing by the dry cleaners to pick up my dress which had been dropped off the day before to be pressed before heading back to the lodge for the picnic lunch we had ordered.  Once again, I can't say enough great things about the staff at Berry Springs Lodge.  Lunch was waiting for us in our cabin when we got back along with the flowers my mother had ordered for us for the ceremony. I mentioned yesterday that my parents came to Pigeon Forge for the wedding.  What I didn't tell you is that...

It was a good thing Chris quickly recovered from his stomach virus because our second day in Tennessee was a busy one.  We started off the day with our first breakfast at the lodge and that is when I realized that the trip was well worth it.  We had a 3 course breakfast every morning that included some type of home made sweet bread, fresh fruit with yogurt, and a main course.  The main courses ranged from pancakes to eggs and bacon to stuffed french toast.  This was some of the best food I had ever tasted. Once we completed breakfast, it was time to head to town to take care of some very important business: getting our marriage license.  One of the great things about Sevier County is that, like Las Vegas, it is considered a tourist wedding location so getting a marriage license there is a simple and inexpensive task.  We had applied online about month in advance which meant we were only in the courthouse about fifteen minutes finishing up the paperwork. ...

Our first anniversary is this weekend.  Thinking about that has had me looking back on what we were doing this time last year as we prepared to head to Tennessee.  I realized that I hadn't shared a lot about the weekend we had so I thought I could take a little stroll down memory lane. Chris and I decided a couple of months after we got engaged that the "big" wedding wasn't going to work for us.  We had both been there, done that with our first marriages and neither one of us really wanted to kill ourselves over one day.  We were more concerned about what would come after that day.  Initially we thought about getting married in Austin since we lived here but couldn't get over the cost of trying to plan a small family and friends gathering here.  Mobile was our next option.  The cost would be less but we kept running into roadblocks with trying to schedule around everyone else's schedules.  One night I found a website called Let's Run Off , a reso...

** I intended to write this post yesterday but ended up not having time to sit down in front of the computer and bang it out.  So instead, it is a day late but heartfelt just the same.** One year ago today, I met you at a cafe near my house for a quick dinner before home team.  We had been chatting daily for nearly two weeks and it was time to decide where we wanted to go from here.  I was pretty sure of what was going to happen next but continued to be coy until you expressed your feelings.  There was no surprise, no pretense.  Just I like you and want to get to know you better.  And with that, we were together, practically inseparable from that point forward.  Somehow, even at that point we knew this was one that would last.  That it wasn't temporary. We are by no means perfect but we are perfect for each other.  We got frustrated and annoyed and fight but we work it out.  Even in the moments that I don't like you very mu...

After being married for 4 years, returning to the world of Single People was difficult to say the least. Dating sucks and I now had a whole new set of baggage to carry from my divorce to make things that much more difficult. I had a lot of hang-ups related to what I had experienced during my time as Army Wife that I knew those would carry over into my new life. Some were good, some not so much. I knew I was a lot more independent and opinionated than I had been when I dated in my twenties and I hoped I was stronger but I still managed to let guys get to me in some ways worse than before I got married. Fortunately with the Sheriff, I felt pretty opened and comfortable to talk about my issues (and his as well) so that we could work through them together and hopefully not face some of the same problems in the future. The Sheriff and I met in the Singles department at our church. A singles department which has been pretty successful at bringing couples together. Since I st...

The sheriff and I got hitched a week ago. Needless to say free time has been limited with getting ready to head out to Tennessee and then returning to the real world in Texas. Without any prompting from me, my parents decided to surprise us in Gatlinburg and came to the wedding. It was great to have them there. We had a nice night visiting with Mom and Dad after the wedding. The whole trip was wonderful and I plan on telling you all about it soon. However, for now, I just wanted to check in and leave you with this:

         Something occurred after my last post that I didn't expect. For starters, I have long suspected that my blog was pretty much off the radar. That only those who knew me personally had any desire to read it. That being said I have not hidden my blog so I am aware that the outside world can and probably does access it. I am not one of these savvy bloggers with a tracker that can tell me who is accessing the site. Truthfully, I don't really care. I write because I enjoy and it helps me to saying things that sometimes I can't say out loud. So I was surprised this morning when I received a comment on my last post from someone who doesn't know me and I felt the need to respond to what the person said. Here is the comment: My advice to you is that if it's important that your family be at your wedding. Then change your plans to do that. You don't to start your marriage with that in the back of your mind because you wanted it to be different. Be mi...

I am getting married in 41 days! YAY! After much debating and discussion and planning one way and changing our minds, the sheriff and I decided that just the two of us at a B&B in the Smokey Mountains was the perfect way to begin our lives together. I am looking forward to the trip and to becoming man and wife. But I am sad at the same time. We attended the wedding of two mutual friends from church yesterday. It was the second wedding we had attended since becoming engaged. For both couples, it was the first marriage for each of them and they had a big celebration with all their family and friends. Everyone was there to congratulate them and to express their happiness to the couple. And all I can think is that no one will be there to celebrate with us. I realized we planned it that way. This is what we wanted. Just us but it doesn't mean that I can't be sad that I won't have my dad walk me down the aisle or my mom fussing over my dress or my brother giving me ...

I guess I should first apologize for taking so long to post this or anything for that matter. Life has been very busy between work, school, and maintaining my house and relationship. I have also found that when things are going well in my life, I don't have as much to write about. That being said...I will get on with my story. The first Monday of every month means invoicing for me. We usually have to stay late and are doing good if we get off by 6:30. I went to work on January 4th prepared for it to be a typical first Monday. However, thanks to year end and software issues we weren't able to invoice so I was able to get off at my normal time. I had been chatting with the Sheriff making plans for the evening all the while thinking he was at his apartment 20 minutes away. So you can imagine my surprise when I walked out of the building that evening and my car was waiting for me at the entrance to the building. There the Sheriff was with the biggest grin on his face. He ...

I am lost in thought today. I have spent the last two weeks getting to know someone new and, for the first time, getting the same back in return. He actually wants to get to know me, the real me, not the facade I put up when I want to be accepted. He read this entire blog. He listened to me pour my heart out about everything that has happened over the last few years. We have talked about marriage and divorce and what we want from each other. He used the phrase "uncertain comfort" last night and knew exactly what he meant. I am comfortable with him. I feel like we get each other in a way no one has before. I even told him he was the male equivalent of me. But it has been 2 weeks and the realistic side of me tells me there is no way this could be real. Not yet at least. Am I being cynical? I have been hurt before by people who led me to believe they got me. But for once, it all feels true. I don't see empty promises. Only raw honesty. My heart aches when I ...