Just Say Julie

         Something occurred after my last post that I didn't expect. For starters, I have long suspected that my blog was pretty much off the radar. That only those who knew me personally had any desire to read it. That being said I have not hidden my blog so I am aware that the outside world can and probably does access it. I am not one of these savvy bloggers with a tracker that can tell me who is accessing the site. Truthfully, I don't really care. I write because I enjoy and it helps me to saying things that sometimes I can't say out loud. So I was surprised this morning when I received a comment on my last post from someone who doesn't know me and I felt the need to respond to what the person said. Here is the comment: My advice to you is that if it's important that your family be at your wedding. Then change your plans to do that. You don't to start your marriage with that in the back of your mind because you wanted it to be different. Be mi...

I am getting married in 41 days! YAY! After much debating and discussion and planning one way and changing our minds, the sheriff and I decided that just the two of us at a B&B in the Smokey Mountains was the perfect way to begin our lives together. I am looking forward to the trip and to becoming man and wife. But I am sad at the same time. We attended the wedding of two mutual friends from church yesterday. It was the second wedding we had attended since becoming engaged. For both couples, it was the first marriage for each of them and they had a big celebration with all their family and friends. Everyone was there to congratulate them and to express their happiness to the couple. And all I can think is that no one will be there to celebrate with us. I realized we planned it that way. This is what we wanted. Just us but it doesn't mean that I can't be sad that I won't have my dad walk me down the aisle or my mom fussing over my dress or my brother giving me ...

I guess I should first apologize for taking so long to post this or anything for that matter. Life has been very busy between work, school, and maintaining my house and relationship. I have also found that when things are going well in my life, I don't have as much to write about. That being said...I will get on with my story. The first Monday of every month means invoicing for me. We usually have to stay late and are doing good if we get off by 6:30. I went to work on January 4th prepared for it to be a typical first Monday. However, thanks to year end and software issues we weren't able to invoice so I was able to get off at my normal time. I had been chatting with the Sheriff making plans for the evening all the while thinking he was at his apartment 20 minutes away. So you can imagine my surprise when I walked out of the building that evening and my car was waiting for me at the entrance to the building. There the Sheriff was with the biggest grin on his face. He ...

I love Christmas! It is my favorite time of the year. There is just something in the air that makes Christmas wonderful to me. I love the lights and the music and the traditions. I don't know why I love it so much because I am exhausted with all the activities this time of year but I do. That being said, I haven't put up a Christmas tree in 4 years since I moved from Alabama to Texas. The first year Shawn was deployed and I was going home so I didn't see the point. The next year Shawn didn't want to fool with it. The next year I had just moved to my apartment in Austin and there was literally no room for a tree. Last year I just didn't get around to it. So this year I thought I would have some fun with Kiddo and the Sheriff and put up my tree. I didn't realize what a trying experience that was going to be. I thought I had thoroughly cleaned the ornament boxes of all the "married" Christmas items. I was wrong. First thing out of the box wa...

I got a call from my mom yesterday to check and see if I was doing OK. I wasn't quite sure why she was asking and then I realized she had gotten the days wrong in a way. Friday was the two year anniversary of my divorce being finalized while today would have been my 6th wedding anniversary. So her asking on the day in between the two wasn't entirely off. Truth is I am fine. I have been fine with it for a long time. These dates don't bother me anymore. They are just any other day in my life that just so happened to be the same day that something significant happened in the past. But the past is the past and my life has been all about moving on since then. In some ways this year is a little different than last year in that I know Shawn is getting married again. And while that is a little weird, it doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would. It just really solidifies what I knew all along which was that he married me because it was time to get married not b...

I am lost in thought today. I have spent the last two weeks getting to know someone new and, for the first time, getting the same back in return. He actually wants to get to know me, the real me, not the facade I put up when I want to be accepted. He read this entire blog. He listened to me pour my heart out about everything that has happened over the last few years. We have talked about marriage and divorce and what we want from each other. He used the phrase "uncertain comfort" last night and knew exactly what he meant. I am comfortable with him. I feel like we get each other in a way no one has before. I even told him he was the male equivalent of me. But it has been 2 weeks and the realistic side of me tells me there is no way this could be real. Not yet at least. Am I being cynical? I have been hurt before by people who led me to believe they got me. But for once, it all feels true. I don't see empty promises. Only raw honesty. My heart aches when I ...

As should come to no surprise to anyone, I never did get the phone call for drinks on Tuesday and that was perfectly fine with me. I didn't expect him to actually follow through with the plans especially since he was never good at that in the first place. The only disappointment I have is not being able to tell him to leave me alone. However, it will be easy for me to get rid of him the next time he tries to contact me. You see, dear readers, I have finally met someone who might actually be worth it. I am breaking so many of the unwritten rules I had set for myself but it's OK. Truth is I have tried to write about this 3 times now and I don't know how to put down what I am thinking and feeling at this moment. I think I am almost afraid to put it out there for fear that posting it will suddenly make it untrue. I just know it is different and I am happy, really happy, for the first time in a long time. I can't wait to see what will happen next.