Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Empty

It has been a stressful week already and it is only Tuesday. The packers came yesterday and packed Shawn’s stuff. Here I was in my house with three strange women telling them what was going and what was staying. And I just sat on the couch and wanted to cry. I can’t even explain how I felt. I just feel like I am being cheated out of the opportunity to be upset about all this. Everything is happening so fast. The divorce will be final in a few weeks. I start a new job next week. I even went on a date this past weekend. I am still trying to figure out how this became my life. Today was even worse. The movers came and loaded everything. Now my house is half empty. It was strange to open his closet and nothing be there. I am just trying to keep myself busy right now so I don’t stop long enough to process what is really going on. I went shopping after everyone left and bought new furniture for my house. Usually shopping makes me feel better but not today. I went to 4 different stores after I left the furniture store and I really didn’t want to be there. Part of me wants to be angry and throw things. Part of me wants to be sad. The whole of me just wants someone to hold me. So far I haven’t been able to give into any of it. I can’t cry. I can’t be angry at anyone but myself. I think I am just tired of being strong and need to be sad and scared a little bit.

Friday, September 21, 2007

My Status

OK Gang…I know a lot of you have been worried about me recently and I wanted to pass a long a status update. Believe it or not, life is good for me right now. I am handling things a lot better than I thought I would. I was planning on staying in Killeen for a while but, as we know, the only constant is change. I have accepted a job in Austin doing government contracting accounting. It is basically the same job I am doing now only more money and better benefits. So I will be moving to Austin in the next few months once I can sell my house here. I am excited about the prospects in my future. So thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. They have been greatly appreciated.

Friday, September 7, 2007

The Next Step

Well, I know my last blog shocked many of you in blog land. Trust me it has been a shock for me too. All I can do now is pack up and drive on. I am amazed at how quickly this has all progressed. But I am trying to make the best of a bad situation. I have been trying to organize Shawn’s stuff into central locations in the house to make it easier when the movers come. I am ready for his stuff to be gone so I can redecorate the house. I know that sounds selfish but it is the one thing I have to look forward to right now. Well, I don’t have anything interesting to tell so that it’s for now.