Tuesday, March 27, 2012


Jackson turned 8 months old on Tuesday.  With the 8 month mark, we are experiencing lots of changes around here.  First, my baby is mobile. (Words that strike fear into the hearts of mothers everywhere.)  He hasn't quite mastered the belly off the floor crawl but he has the Army low crawl down pat. (My brother would say it's actually the high crawl because his head is off the floor but who needs to be technical?) And man, can he scoot when he wants to.  I put him down with his toys in the living room and 2 seconds later he is in the kitchen.  We have started blocking the exits to the living room to still allow him to crawl but not escape.  J is not a fan of this at all and will scream bloody murder once he realizes he can't get past the ottoman that's wedged between the chair and the fireplace.
Secondly, J has figured out how to push himself up into a sitting position.  This has been great because he is able to sit and play with his toys and keep himself entertained for short stretches of time now.  Thirdly, we will have double the number of teeth soon.  I noticed 4 more teeth trying to cut on Sunday which will bring the tooth total to 8 by the time these are done.  Lastly, this happened on Saturday: 
Jackson finally mastered pulling himself up.  And now that he can do that he wants to be standing all the time.  There's only one slight problem.  He hasn't quite figured out how to get himself back down.  So he will stand there and get tired and then fuss because he's tired but he can't sit down.  Hopefully we will master that skill soon.  I'm just so amazed watching him grow and change and turn into the person he is going to be. Who knows...maybe he has already discovered his future profession.

Friday, March 23, 2012

A Good Day At Last

It's no secret to anyone that I have been in a bit of a funk for a while now.  I just seem to be in one of those places where life is getting me down.  Every time I turn around something has happened and all I've wanted is a little break.  Something good for a change.  I don't want to jinx us and say things are starting to turn around but I can say that the last couple of weeks have been an improvement over the first 2 months of this year.

Yesterday, I was in a really good mood.  I can't say that there was in particular reason but I was happy for the first time in what seemed like ages.  My company was having a party at the end of the day to celebrate a major contract award and that just seemed to be making the whole day go well.  Everybody was in a good mood at work and we all seemed genuinely happy to be there.  For the first time since I started there nearly 3 years ago, they brought in tacos, margaritas, and beer for everyone to enjoy.  I don't think I saw a single person without a smile while they were carrying their food and drinks around the break room.  It was just so festive and nice to have some good news instead of the struggling we've done over the last couple of years.  I really do think the good news at work has improved my mood.  I should mention that I will be working on this project so it's also a really good thing for me career wise.

But beyond that I came to a realization earlier this week.  I have been trying to provide guidance to a friend who has been going through some struggles in her marriage.  Her situation is very similar to the one I found myself in before my divorce.  Through this I figured out that while I may not always be happy with situations life throws at us, I am overall happy being with Chris.  That is not something I could say in my first marriage.  Financially I was more secure and life was easier (no kids and such) the first time around but I was married to someone whom I didn't want to spend my time with.  I think one of the biggest frustrations I have now is that Chris and I don't get the time together that we desperately want.  But he can make me laugh over the stupidest, silliest things and that is something I wouldn't trade for all the money in the word.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

February: The Month of Sick

I posted at the beginning of February that January had been a rough month for us.  We had a lot of major expenses come up which left us feeling like we couldn't get ahead.  I was optimistic that things would get better in February but I guess I was wrong.  If January was the month of broke, February was the month of sick.  Jackson and I both spent Valentine's Day at the doctor's office getting treated for sinus infections.  A week later I got the dreaded call from daycare that they thought he had picked up the stomach bug that was going around.  I was hoping he would miss it since he was just coming off antibiotics but no such luck.  Sure enough, four days later I was on my death bed followed by Chris two days later.  Apparently this bug hit adults worse than it hit the kids.  We were both down for a full day while J was over his before we even picked him up (early) from daycare.  All-in-all, I ended up taking 4 days of sick time over the shortest month of the year.  Not good.

And just when I thought February couldn't get any worse, especially on the sick front, I got news that still has me shocked.  My mom had been having stomach troubles since she had returned from Texas for Blake's birthday.  The doctor convinced her to get some further testing done (not an easy feat with my mom) and they determined she has lymphoma. The news is hitting us pretty hard and now we are quickly moving to the world of a family with a member battling cancer.  This is not a position I ever expected to be in but here we are waiting for the next course of action.  So to say that February was not an improvement over January is an understatement.  Will March be better or will this year continue to be my year of suck?

Monday, March 5, 2012

February Photos: The End

So I really did try to make it through the whole month taking pictures but then life got in the way and it just didn't happen.  Here are the last couple of pictures I took before I put the (cell phone) camera away for the month.  I decided not to participate in the March Photo A Day challenge since I just can't wrap my brain around it right now.

Day 20: Handwriting
I am not a fan of my own handwriting.  I don't know why but I never have been.  I think it's because my mom and my brothers have nice handwriting and I think mine sucks in comparison. 

Day 21: A Fave Photo of You
I have always loved this picture.  It was taken the first year I danced can can at Wild West Night for the Officers' Wives Club at Fort Hood.  

Sunday, March 4, 2012

The Things I Cannot Say

As bloggers, we often talk amongst ourselves about those topics we cannot write about. Everyone one of us has a subject or subjects that are off limits for a variety of reasons. It could be work, in-laws, a top secret military family member. Many in the community of bloggers create an unsearchable space to place the thoughts associated with those topics. And others, such as myself, just keep those thoughts to ourselves because of the fear that there is no true secret space on the Internet.

But we don't often talk about the things we cannot say. These aren't the subjects that are off limits. These are thoughts in our minds that we can't write because of the emotion behind them. The words we won't say for fear of making true.

This is what I am dealing with right now. I have a lot I want to say and a lot I need to say but can't. Not here, not anywhere. I am afraid that I will lose it if I open my mouth and pour my heart out. It seems my silence is the only thing allowing me to hold it together right now. So forgive me if I am quiet for a while. I don't mean to be. I'm just not ready to say everything I want to say.