Friday, March 24, 2006

My Greatest Weakness: Shopping

K…first I must say I can’t believe that there is actually a myspace category for shopping so this is perfect for my entry.The time has come to admit that I am a shopaholic. Depression shopping is bad for me. Send my husband away for a year, give us extra money, and what do I do? Let me just put it this way: my house is fully decorated and I have only lived here 8 months.

By the way, I am going to shop for Cowboy Boots to wear to Denim and Diamonds tomorrow after work and the VTC. Afterall, I live in Texas now. It is only fitting that I own and wear cowboy (girl?) boots.

Now back to my point. I am the perfect shopping companion. If you just want to go shopping to leave the house but don’t really need to spend money, take me. I will do all the spending for you. I can’t help it. It makes me feel better. I like having pretty new things to look at or play with or wear. I am also guilty of finding one thing that I really like and buying several of them. Classic examples are my boots that I bought back at the beginning of fall. I loved the first pair so much I now own three pairs in different colors. But I wear them constantly. Also there are the fabulous new Investments pants they are selling in Dillard’s now. For the first time a company has realized that there are petite people shorter than 5′4″ and we need pants hemmed to fit us too. So when I discovered these pants, I bought 5 pairs of them. (Have you ever tried to find pants for someone who is 5′1″ and has a 27 inch inseam?)

So the question is, is this really a problem? I would say no because Shawn and I are very financially stable. I am an accountant after all. Being good with money is a given. However, there is the fact that I will soon be quitting my job so my income will be leaving us. Frankly I don’t worry too much about what I spend when I am working because I am contributing to the finances so I justify it by saying I am spending the money I earned. But I do have to deal with Shawn who tends to be a bit of a penny pincher at times. Not that that is a bad thing but I don’t like being told we don’t have money when I am the one in charge of the checkbook and know good and well that the opposite is true.

When my shopping habits become a problem is when I do something crazy (well not too crazy but a little on the mental side). I learned a lesson last week. Never take me to an auction. I should have known this knowing how I get on ebay but on ebay there is an auctioneer up in your face trying to get you to raise your bid. Let’s just say I walked away with a full scale spa day and we won’t talk about how much I spent on it. It was for a good cause though. The even better cause is getting to use the spa day right before Shawn comes home. That way I get to pamper myself before I pamper him.

So that is my story for this evening. Hello, my name is Julie and I am a shopaholic.

I should run. I need to get my beauty sleep. Tomorrow is the big video teleconference (VTC). I get to see Shawn for the first time in 6 months. We get to spend a whole 8 minutes talking to each other. We have had longer conversations than that when I have been half asleep or preoccupied with work. But I am not really complaining. I am just happy to get the opportunity to see his face again. Have a great weekend!

Thursday, March 23, 2006

You Can Never Really Go Home Again

I had an epithany today. I can’t leave Texas. I know that sounds weird given how unhappy I have been since moving here but I realized that although it isn’t much of one, my life is here now. I came to this conclusion while I was writing an email to my friend, Kevin. Kevin was asking me if I was still involved in theatre which is something I did in college when he still knew me and something I did at home as well. I began to think about all the things my parents and my friends at home tell me about that I would be doing if I was still there. I suddenly realized that their lives had gone on without me just as mine had gone on without them. Shawn and I were just talking last night about me spending the last few months of the deployment in Mobile after he returns back to Iraq from R & R. I told him that as much as I love my parents, I didn’t want to live with them for two to three months while I wait for him to come home. As a married woman who hasn’t lived with her parents for 5 years now, I can’t imagine living with them again. Don’t get me wrong, it is great to have Mommy and Daddy take care of me again. But some days I don’t want to babied. When you are going through a deployment like this, there are times when you really just need to be alone with your thoughts in order to fully deal with the situation around you. I have been through this before and I know myself well enough to know when I need to be alone. Mom doesn’t always get that. Besides, I don’t really want to leave my house for that long. I have enough anxiety over Shawn coming home safely. I don’t need to be worried about my house 700 miles away as well. I remember my Freshman Comp Professor at Judson (who didn’t love Dr. Dan?) telling us early in the semester that you could never really go home again. Being a college student, I thought that was true but I don’t think I fully understood the meaning of that statement until now. Mobile is no longer my home. My home truly is where the Army sends us.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Update

I haven’t really known what to do with myself the last two weeks since we don’t have can-can practice anymore. I end up spending more time at work since I am typically not in a rush to get home. I don’t really have anything interesting to tell. I am really just putting off going to bed so I might actually get some sleep tonight. For those of you who have been wondering about my grandmother, I am afraid she isn’t doing well. On top of the pneumonia, she has the flu. According to my father, she isn’t responsing well or really recognizing anyone. Unfortunately, it looks like my sweet Nanny will be heading home soon. We have been lucky to have her this long. After 96 years, she has had a full life and I believe she is ready to go. Now all I can do is wait for the phone call that I have dreaded for years.

Sunday, March 5, 2006

My Weekend

The weekend started off well but busy with Wild West Night on post Friday night. Nearly six hours later, we (the can can girls) had completed 4 performances. Ten minutes of high kicks wouldn’t have phased me in college but at 28 and 30 pounds heavier, my entire body hurt. Not looking forward to getting up for work Saturday morning, I was pleasantly surprised that I was only sore in my lower legs rather than not being able to walk at all like I thought would happen. After visits to the PX, car wash and nail salon, I crashed for a mid afternoon nap. Saturday turned out slow with me completing the night with pizza and myspace. Sunday was even slower with me hardly leaving the couch. I am close to being finished my Sex and the City Marathon. Shawn did call this morning and we were able to have a two hour conversation. I think that is a record for us for both deployments. Of course the majority of the conversation was about his R & R. We only have a month and a half so we really have to decide how to spend our time. I don’t know why I am dreading this so much. I guess I don’t want to get my hopes up about what our time will be like only to be disappointed when it doesn’t turn out how I had hoped it would. Maybe it is terrible but I don’t want to expect too much in order to not be disappointed. I know that isn’t the best way to approach life but I have learned to have lower expectations in order to not be disappointed or to be pleasantly surprised when things turn out better than expected. I know you are thinking I shouldn’t be disappointed by my husband but I am afraid that it is the ones you love the most that often disappoint you the most. You feel that because of their special stature in your life they should know you well enough to know what you want without you having to say that. Some couples may be to that point but I believe I can thank the Army for us not being to that point. We just haven’t had the time as a couple that we should have. I am also worried about how I am going to handle the other side of the coin. I am used to Shawn not being here now. Am I going to have to readjust when he leaves again? Will our life return to normal only to be disrupted all over again? I just don’t know if I can continue to go through all of this. To top everything off, my grandmother is back in the hospital. I am stuck in Texas and there is nothing I can do. I don’t even know if I will get to see her again.