Getting What I Want

I have been thinking a lot recently about what I want out of a relationship. This train of thought started a couple of months ago when someone from my past reappeared in my life with promises of a future. I began to question whether or not I wanted that person back in my life. The main question I could not (and still can't) answer was whether or not that person could be and do the things I want in a relationship. I started to realize that the only way to truly know the answer to that question was to figure out what exactly I am looking for. So here, dear readers, is a list of my criteria for achieving the ideal relationship:

1. Mostly importantly the person needs to be emotionally ready and opened to the idea of a relationship. That means no recent or pending divorces or breakups.

2. The person needs to be willing to provide me with an adequate amount of attention. This could include phone calls, text messages, emails, instant messages or even Facebook posts. Anything that let's me know you are interested and thinking of me. But there is also that fine line between enough attention and too much attention.

3. Someone who is willing to include me in their life. I don't expect or want to spend every waking moment together but it would nice to know when you have other plans or when we might get to see each other. Also meeting their friends is another way to include me in their life. I would like to think the friends have at least heard the person is seeing someone.

Obviously this is just a start. I do intend to compile a more complete list in the future. And to answer the question, no, the person from the past does not meet any of these criteria. What I don't know is if he is capable of meeting these if really given the opportunity. I might not ever know the answer to that one.

Port Aransas

After several crazy weeks of proposals at work, I was finally able to make my escape from the office and from Austin to head to the beach for a couple of days. Jenny and I left Friday morning for Port Aransas after I dropped Maverick off at Doggy Day Out for the weekend. Four hours later, we were sitting in Virginia's by the Bay eating fresh seafood and looking out over the water. That night we took a stroll on the beach and then relaxed in the condo until bedtime. After sleeping in Saturday morning, we loaded up our stuff and head to the beach from some fun in the sun. Here is my view from Saturday morning:
So we enjoyed the sun, sand and water for a couple of hours before I realized that I was turning pink and it was time to head in. More relaxing in the condo and another late afternoon walk on the beach rounded out the day. Sunday morning meant checking out of the condo to head back home. At that point the last thing I wanted to do was drive back to Austin, so we decided to head to Corpus Christi and take a tour of the USS Lexington.
Seeing the ship and comparing it to the USS Alabama at home was pretty neat except for the fact it was blazing hot. I do believe Jenny and I sweated off 5 pounds during the tour. Thank goodness they sell Icees on board to help cool you off. I also scraped my sunburned leg on one of the metal steps while climbing a ladder and screamed bloody murder. I do believe that hurt more than I could have possibly imagined. All in all it was a great trip. I needed a couple of days to take my mind off of the real world and just relax.

New Look

I hope everyone is enjoying the new look of Just Say Julie. If you would like a cute and fun background, you should check out The Cutest Blog on the Block. They have tons of cute, free layouts that work perfectly with blogger. I had a hard time chosing one and I suspect I will change them out to spice things up a bit.

Memorial Day

I have avoided talking about this topic too much because I was surprised at how much it effected me. My brother called on Good Friday to tell me the news that he had been crossleveled into another National Guard unit that was deploying this summer. I was shocked. I immediately hung up the phone and cried. Shortly after that, I left work to go shopping hoping that would make me feel better. It didn't work. I spent the rest of the weekend feeling like I was in a bubble watching everything go on around me and I wasn't really apart of it. It was hard to process what was about to happen and I didn't fully understand why I was so upset. I had seen Clay deploy twice before under much worse conditions than what he will be going into this time. I had also seen Shawn leave twice. But for some reason, it was always harder for me to see my brother leave than it was to see my husband leave. I have commented before on how far removed my life is now from the military lifestyle I led two years ago. So all I can figure is that I never expected to be faced with another deployment, even as the sister of a soldier, and it brought back a lot of feelings I wasn't prepared for.

I am proud of my brother. He didn't have to join the guard once he left active duty. He is currently going through pre-deployment training that will wrap up at the end of this week. Next month he will spend some time at Fort Hood for some more training before officially activating in July. The current plan is for his unit to head to the sand box some time in August. Now that I have time to process all of this, I am doing everything I can to be there for him and his wife. I know how hard it is to be the one left behind so I want to make sure Jenny has the support she needs.

So on this Memorial Day, make sure you thank a soldier. Also thank that soldier's family. Trust me when I say it will mean a lot to them.

Mother's Day

I am having one of those days where my heart hurts. That's about the only way I know to describe it. I am sad. I am not looking for pity, just want to release some feelings. I miss my mom. I miss being home. As much as I love Austin, there are days when I just want to be around my family. I think the fact that Clay is leaving for Iraq again this summer is making it a little harder. He is my link to home here in Texas and with him gone, I will be missing that.

There is also the fact that Mother's Day also makes me wonder if I will ever be a mother. I never was certain that I wanted to be a mother. I'm still not but the fact that it might not be an option for me upsets me. I think the biggest thing is that I want the option to still be there and for me to decide if it will happen or not. But as I get older which no real prospects of a serious relationship on the horizon, the more that option seems to be slipping away from me. I know I wouldn't want to have a child alone so that isn't even an option I would consider.

Sorry for the melancholy mood but I just need to get a few things off my chest.

My View of Your World

My failed attempts at online dating are quickly coming to a close. I decided after a very rude message from a guy from Plenty of Fish that enough was enough. I cancelled all my accounts. Eharmony will remain active until my current payment expires in June. I have been playing this game for nearly two years now and I am done. I have tried Match, Chemistry, Yahoo Personals, OK Cupid, Plenty of Fish, Christian Dating for Free, the Austin Chronicle Personals, and eHarmony at some point in time over the last 20 months. I have only had one relationship that last more than a month from the selection of people I met through these sites. I think some of the issue is my own insecurities while some of it is the way we come across online which leads me to the topic of this post. I realize that the intent of sites like eHarmony is to match you with someone you would be compatible with personality wise. They try to take looks out of the equation. But let's be honest. While a good personality can make someone more attractive and vice versa, that is not something you will be able to discover through a website. So naturally the first thing you do is look at someone's pictures to see if there is an initial attraction before you try to determine if their personality might be a fit for your's. I am guilty of this and I am sure others have judged me the same way. That being said someone's pictures they post on a personals ad can also reveal a lot about their personality. Here is my take on the variety of pictures I have stumbled across:

1. Posting a picture of your house: I am not dating your house. I am dating you. I will be more concerned about what your place of residence looks like after I meet you and that is more to see if you live in filth or not. To me that just screams materialistic and that you are trying to show off.
2. Posting a picture of your motorcycle/vehicle: Once again, I am looking to date you not your vehicle. I don't care what kind of car you drive as long as it is clean. Unless you want to date a biker chick, I don't understand motorcycle pictures at all. That doesn't impress me and only tells me what you will be spending your free time doing.
3. Posting group pictures: It is fine to have a group picture or two on your profile but please identify which one you are in the picture. I don't want to look at a picture and try to figure out who is who. You never know, I might end up attracted to your hot friend standing next to you.
4. Posting partial pictures: No matter how good you are with photoshop or cropping, you can always tell when someone has been cut out of a picture. I understand it might be your last girlfriend or ex-wife and that it's a great picture of you. But I am sure you have another one that doesn't include someone else. Please post that instead. I actually saw a picture once where the guy didn't even bother to crop out his family. He just whited out the faces of his ex-wife and two kids and posted it like that.
5. Posting pictures with other women: Make sure you identify the women in the picture that you have your arm around. Is it your sister, your cousin, your best friend? Inquiring minds want to know. I don't want to be left guessing the status of that picture or wondering why you even posted it at all. Was it to show that you can be nice to women?
6. Posting non-flattering pictures of yourself: Are you serious about trying to meet someone? How about a smile every once in a while? If your picture looks like a mugshot, I am going to wonder why you went to jail. Also I am looking for someone with a good personality to go along with looks. If I don't find you attractive in your photos, I am not going to interested in connecting with you.
7. Posting pictures of yourself from various locations: So you have gotten to travel a lot. Good for you. I don't know what it is that bugs me about these pictures so much but I kind of feeling like you are trying to brag or show off. Am I envious that you have gotten to go all these cool places? Sure. Do I want to see the pictures before we meet? Not really. Save those stories for when we are talking and you can share those experiences with me.

So there you have it. My do's and don'ts for personal ad picture posting. I am trying a little experiment with my eHarmony profile since it will be cancelled soon and opened the matches up to the United States. I figured it couldn't hurt to broaden my horizons a bit and see if I had better luck. If nothing else, I should have a few more entertaining stories to share.

Ways to Turn Me Off

I have learned a few things in my latest attempt at the online dating world. I decided to check out Plenty of Fish after hearing some others talk about the site. And much like my last experience with a free dating site, I found that the quality of men was not the greatest. My biggest lesson learned in this process would be the many things a man can do to turn me off. Here are a few examples:

1. Spend our entire first telephone conversation talking about how much pot you like to smoke.
2. Call me at 2:30 in the morning because I haven't returned your text from the previous day.
3. Tell me you are no longer interested because I was on the phone with my mother when you called and it was too late to return your call.
4. Become extremely clingy after a couple of instant messenger chats.
5. Post comments referencing me in Facebook quizzes when we haven't even met.

Needless to say, I canceled my Plenty of Fish membership a week after I setup the profile.