Just Say Julie

As should come to no surprise to anyone, I never did get the phone call for drinks on Tuesday and that was perfectly fine with me. I didn't expect him to actually follow through with the plans especially since he was never good at that in the first place. The only disappointment I have is not being able to tell him to leave me alone. However, it will be easy for me to get rid of him the next time he tries to contact me. You see, dear readers, I have finally met someone who might actually be worth it. I am breaking so many of the unwritten rules I had set for myself but it's OK. Truth is I have tried to write about this 3 times now and I don't know how to put down what I am thinking and feeling at this moment. I think I am almost afraid to put it out there for fear that posting it will suddenly make it untrue. I just know it is different and I am happy, really happy, for the first time in a long time. I can't wait to see what will happen next.

Why is it that there are some people in your life who never leave when you want them to and some that never stay? A certain person from my past has reappeared after months of no contact. I finally thought I was rid of him without having to give him the Go to Hell speech I had prepared. But no, Saturday night while I was enjoying Alabama's win over South Carolina that name popped up on a text message. All I wanted to say was what do you want and why won't you leave me alone. Instead I agreed to a drink on Tuesday night. I don't know why. I don't having any feelings for this guy anymore. I think it has to do with the loneliness and lack of romantic interest in recent months. The thing is this guy is bad for me for so many reasons and I have no desire to go back there. He makes me feel so worthless and bad about myself and I have been through this same song and dance with him too many times before. Why would I consider going back for more? The truth is that I a...

In the Harry Potter movies, Harry has a cloak that belonged to his father that allows him to be invisible. At some point in time in my marriage, I think I unintentionally donned an invisibility cloak. I believe I did certain things to make my husband notice me only to still feel ignored. This is an issue I continue to struggle with in my (nonexistent) dating. The crazy thing is I only realized it recently. I knew that one of the issues with my ex was the lack of attention I felt I was getting from him. What I didn't realize is that I am still starving for that attention. I had thought about it a lot but I hadn't really faced it dead on until a couple of weeks ago when I poured my heart out to my hairdresser. (How is it we can talk to people we barely know about things like this but not to our closest friends?) I haven't been on a date in a year and I know the reason is because I can't take anymore disappointment in that area my life. I use the excuse that I am...

I have spent most of my life thinking I was a pretty open person. I have even been told that I am "an open book." But something happened recently that made me realize that I am not as open as I once was. I was at a party for the 4th of July with a friend from work and her boyfriend when I noticed one of the guys at the party. I thought he was attractive, and was hoping there would be a chance for some interest there. And that's when the crazy thing happened. As soon as the guy started to flirt with me, I shut down. I didn't want anything to do with him anymore. I made my friend take me home. The next day I tried to figure out what made me react that way. It didn't have anything to do with Mr. Past who still hasn't made an effort to contact me. That I am over and only want to talk to him to have the opportunity to tell him so. It was all about me and my fear of getting close and getting hurt again. I also realized I had been doing this for months. ...

I have been thinking a lot recently about what I want out of a relationship. This train of thought started a couple of months ago when someone from my past reappeared in my life with promises of a future. I began to question whether or not I wanted that person back in my life. The main question I could not (and still can't) answer was whether or not that person could be and do the things I want in a relationship. I started to realize that the only way to truly know the answer to that question was to figure out what exactly I am looking for. So here, dear readers, is a list of my criteria for achieving the ideal relationship: 1. Mostly importantly the person needs to be emotionally ready and opened to the idea of a relationship. That means no recent or pending divorces or breakups. 2. The person needs to be willing to provide me with an adequate amount of attention. This could include phone calls, text messages, emails, instant messages or even Facebook posts. Anythi...

My failed attempts at online dating are quickly coming to a close. I decided after a very rude message from a guy from Plenty of Fish that enough was enough. I cancelled all my accounts. Eharmony will remain active until my current payment expires in June. I have been playing this game for nearly two years now and I am done. I have tried Match, Chemistry, Yahoo Personals, OK Cupid, Plenty of Fish, Christian Dating for Free, the Austin Chronicle Personals, and eHarmony at some point in time over the last 20 months. I have only had one relationship that last more than a month from the selection of people I met through these sites. I think some of the issue is my own insecurities while some of it is the way we come across online which leads me to the topic of this post. I realize that the intent of sites like eHarmony is to match you with someone you would be compatible with personality wise. They try to take looks out of the equation. But let's be honest. While a good person...

I have learned a few things in my latest attempt at the online dating world. I decided to check out Plenty of Fish after hearing some others talk about the site. And much like my last experience with a free dating site, I found that the quality of men was not the greatest. My biggest lesson learned in this process would be the many things a man can do to turn me off. Here are a few examples: Spend our entire first telephone conversation talking about how much pot you like to smoke. Call me at 2:30 in the morning because I haven't returned your text from the previous day. Tell me you are no longer interested because I was on the phone with my mother when you called and it was too late to return your call. Become extremely clingy after a couple of instant messenger chats. Post comments referencing me in Facebook quizzes when we haven't even met. Needless to say, I canceled my Plenty of Fish membership a week after I setup the profile.

Because I just think they are too funny not to share, I have a couple more quotes from my online dating emails that are worth the laugh. "im looking for a good hearted woman i can get to know i am a nice easy going guy that does landscaping for a living if you are interested just send a reply back" Yet again a grown man who cannot use puncuation.  The only thing I would seriously be interested in would be the landscaping work.  I need the bushes in my front yard replaced. "How are you doing today? You are amazingly attractive. You must drive all the guys on here crazy. Check out my profile and let me know if you might consider getting together and fooling around..." Wow, he thinks I am attractive.  Great!  He was hot but...um...NO! I do not want to get together and fool around.  If I was just looking to fool around, I would go to the closest bar and get drunk. 

The online dating community exists to create harmonious matches that will hopefully lead to marriage. This has not been my experience. However, it has been a great source of amusement and entertainment for me. So today I am sharing with you some of the gems I have received recently. Also, revisit this gem from my past for a good laugh. good eving how are you my names trony im 27 about to be 28 never married or had abny kids im intersted in getting to know more about you and starting from friends i like the out doors things like that playing pool i work fulltime as wrecker driver in n austin i love my job helping people in trouble any how if yopu would like to talk drop me aline I am so glad that trony decided to get in touch with me and show me not only his inability to spell but also to form a sentence and use punctuation. So supposedly, whatever criteria go into matching people up on this site thinks that I like ugly people...so I'm going through all these pics of uglies and I...

I was searching for an email in my sent items folder at work today when I came across something that caught me off guard: tons of emails between myself and J that basically chronicled our entire relationship. It reminded me of how we use to write back and forth all day sharing the mundane details of our day or trying to decide what our dinner plans were for the evening. There were also the emails from the stupid fight over the baby gate which led to J ceasing all contact with me. It was all there much to my surprise since I thought I deleted those emails 9 months ago as part of the process to try to move on and purge J from my life, my mind, and my heart. And there I sat, reading all of them. Soaking up every word. Remembering every detail. Reminiscing about how happy I had been and how happy we were and how confused I still am about why it all ended. Realizing more and more that I am still heartbroken and still in love with a man who doesn’t want me to be part of his life. I have neve...

I have been thinking a lot about my life and what I want out of my next relationship recently. I look around at everything I have and have accomplished since my divorce and I have to say that I am quite proud of myself. I have come so much further than I ever would have imagined I could on my own. I love my house. I like my life for the most part (we all have our moments) and work is good. I have often questioned how I handle everything if I found the one tomorrow. Where would we live? Whose furniture would we use? Would I be willing to share my closet? How would Maverick react to a new human in his life? I know these aren't questions I have to answer right away but they are thoughts that I have. Life isn't like it was when I was getting married the first time. I was at a point where I was willing to give up everything to be with the man I thought I loved. I am not so sure I would be as willing now. The truth is I still believe I found the one for me but for whate...

I have never liked Valentine's Day. It has always been a reminder to me that I am unlucky in love because I am typically alone on this holiday for lovers. In high school, I would watch my friends walk around with balloons, teddy bears, and flowers from their boyfriends. My roommate and I actually sent flowers to ourselves on Valentine's Day my sophomore year because we wanted the other girls in the dorm to think we had actually gotten something. While I was married, I spent most of my Valentine's Days alone thanks to the Army. So now that I am divorced it is only worse because not only am I alone and reminded that I am unlucky in love but also I am reminded of my failures. Last year I was dumped right before Valentine's Day. This year there are no prospects on the horizon. Every time I open the newspaper or turn on the TV, I am greeted by ads for chocolates and gifts and flowers and reservations for dinner. What I wouldn't give to have someone surprise me ...

I will not even pretend that I am a closet Bachelor fan. I love to watch the show. I soak up every second and make fun of the girls (and guys) every chance I get. I read the blogs. (Don't know what I am talking about, check out Lincee Ray and Chris Harrison .) I can't help it. So much of the show is so fake and staged you can't help but watch it like passing a car accident on the highway just to see what ABC will come up with next. However, there was a moment in the season premiere last week that actually hit a little too close to home for me. As you know, they always interview the girls who didn't receive a rose at the end of the night. One of the lovely ladies (and by lovely I mean drunk) was going on about about how she thought she had met the man of dreams (and all this after a few hours of hanging out with him and 24 of her "closest" female friends.) But then she spoke the words that made me sit up and take notice. "How am I supposed to believe ...

I think I have covered the majority of the dating sites out there. At some point in the last year, I have been on Match, Chemistry, Yahoo Personals, eHarmony, OKCupid, and ChristianMingle. I have met a few guys, some that lasted longer than others, but on a whole I haven't had much luck. I canceled my eHarmony account after I met Wally and, at the time, that was the only site I was on. When things started to go south with him, I re-upped my account for another month. Now that month is over and I still have no decent prospects from that site. So I canceled it again for about the 4th time. I actually thought that I would take some time away from the dating sites. So what do I do...I get bored and I setup my Yahoo Personals account again. Why? I can't give you a really good answer. I like the attention. I mean who can beat 122 profile views in less than 7 days? However, I am not impressed with the guys I am meeting on there. I don't understand these men who think...

I have been writing this blog in my head since last night. This blog came from a series of events that while not at all related have made for an interesting 24-hour period for me. It started with posts from two of my fellow divorce club bloggers about how to handling their exes moving on. In their cases, they were referring to their ex-husbands. For me, I am fortunate that while the thought of Shawn getting married again seems weird, it doesn't bother me. My thought is more power to the poor soul who ends up with him. I know what life with him was like and I don't wish that on my worst enemy. I know he is dating someone in his hometown which I think is great since she is probably more what he was looking for in the first place. What I do have to deal with is the guys I have dated post divorce moving on which brings up event #2 that also happened last night. I came across a picture of J and his new girlfriend at a party. While James wasted no time finding someone else ...

This time last week I was packing to head home for the second time in as many weeks for Memommie's funeral. I had spent the better portion of the day with Wally and I was waiting for him to finish uploading his footage from the night before so he could come over for a while. I now know that was all a lie. Some time over the course of the weekend he deleted me from his Facebook friends list and blocked me on AOL Instant Messenger. Why, you might ask? Wouldn't I love to know. However, I don't because I haven't heard anything from him since he dropped me off at my car last Saturday night. No returned phone calls, no explanation of why he choose to end our relationship. I realized all this while I was getting ready to go to my grandmother's wake. As if I wasn't dealing with an emotional time already, add being blown off by the guy you were supposedly dating. I have run the gammit of emotions since Monday. First, hurt closely followed by confusion. I am n...

Well, I will admit that I have been putting off writing anything because I keep hoping that things will change and I will have good news to report. However, that has not been the case. It has been a week since the last time I saw eHarmony guy and a week since he has called me. We have chatted online a couple of times this week with him initiating the conversation but that has been it with no mention of seeing each other again. I am so confused. I don't know if I am getting the big blow off or if he is just taking his time right now. We started off pretty hot and heavy the first week we were dating but things have definitely tapered off since then. I know he had to deal with his ex last week and that is enough to put anyone in a mood for a while but how long? I really like this guy and I don't want to do anything mess up our chances so I am taking the advice of all of my friends and letting him come to me. It's been hard to not initiate contact as that is my typical...

I know it has been a couple of weeks since I wrote anything and that is mostly because I haven't had a lot to tell. I do have a couple of updates to pass on. First, I have missed my training for the last couple of weeks. The first week was due to the threat of a little storm known as Ike. The next week was for a trip to Six Flags in San Antonio. This week is was the case lot sale in Killeen. I know...I know. I am supposed to be dedicated to the program. Well, I have bad news to report. I don't think I am going to be able to complete the half marathon. I have started having problems with one of my toes. I am thinking that I injured it when I was dancing and it never healed properly. Now it hurts and I am heading to the doctor to determine what is wrong. I had noticed it before but I think all the training time on my feet made it worse. My second update is that I have dipped my toe back into the dating pool and it has been successful. I think I might actually have ...

I was supposed to have a date tonight. I cancelled. Why? I am not really sure. I have been on a bit of a dating hiatus recently mostly because I haven't found myself really being attracted to anyone. I know it has been more than a month since the last time I went on a date. It has partially been due to a lack of interesting prospects and partially due to my own personal issues. I have realized that I was trying too hard to find someone after Shawn and I split up and I don't think I was ready to move on yet. I think I need time to be me and get used to it just being me again. It took me some time to realize that and that has been what the last six months have really been about. It goes back to something J said to me right after we broke up and that was that I couldn't lean on him. It wasn't until I moved into my house that I realized how much I had tried to do that not only with him but during the short period of time I dated James. Since I have moved, I hav...