Saturday, May 19, 2007

Military Spouse Appreciation Day

Somehow in the midst of my company’s trip to Dave & Buster’s, I over looked the fact that last Friday was Military Spouse Appreciation Day. Last year was the first time I was aware that there is such a day. At the time I wasn’t working so I was able to participate in the MWR (Morale, Welfare & Recreation) hosted trip to a neighboring town for a day of shopping. Military Spouse Appreciation Day was created by President Ronald Reagan as a way to recognize the silent ranks. It falls on the Friday before Mother’s Day every year. The sad thing about Military Spouse Appreciation Day is that away from the military community you won’t hear anything about it. So, I feel it is my job to make the rest of the world aware of Military Spouse Appreciation Day. Do me a favor and find a military spouse and thank them for everything they go through. The soldier, sailor, marine or airman’s job doesn’t end with that individual. It carries over to the family who have to carry the burden of living without someone they love and dreading every knock on the door. I often hear thanks for my husband’s service but not as much for my service. The Army will tell the spouses that even though they don’t wear the uniform, they serve too. This is so true with the deployments and PCSing. It all effects us. Please realize that I am not saying all this to get your thanks. I am saying it so that you can thank those around you. Do you know someone in the National Guard or Reserves who is currently deployed? Make sure you let their spouse know that you appreciate her for standing beside someone in the armed forces. Those simple words go along way. I can’t tell you the number of times I have teared up at a complete stranger telling me thank you for everything I do. Sometimes it is just what you need to make it through the day. Now, I am going to go remind my husband to appreciate me.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Late Night

Here it is 2:25 in the morning and I am sitting here with a glass of wine trying to figure out why I can’t sleep. Is it because Maverick decided that snoring in bed would be fun tonight? Or is it the wonderful news that Shawn gave me that we might have to move this summer? I am devastated right now. I should be happy but all I can do is cry. Shawn was told two days ago that he was being moved from his current job to another position in another part of the unit. OK…I was a little sad by this because I would be leaving all the friends I had made in the current unit and the volunteer position with that unit to move to another unit. That I could handle because I would still be able to see my friends. However, this evening I got the news that the other position won’t be available to him. Unless the Army can see it in its cold heart to give him another position with another unit here, we will be moving. Just when I was starting to be happy and comfortable here. Man, I love the Army! I don’t think I could ever say that I love living in Texas but it has become home and I enjoy it. There is a lot to see and do. It has grown on me. I have friends here now. It has taken nearly two years but I actually have people to hang out with. I have a job that I like for the most part that has a lot of future potential for me. But that could all change in the next two months and I will have to start over again. Shawn still has to go to NTC in California to train for more than a month in three weeks which I think is insane. But his replacement won’t be here yet. After that, who knows! I just hope we can work out something to stay here. I never that I would say that but I really don’t want to leave. At least not yet. On the brighter side of things, this means that Shawn probably won’t be deploying in the fall after all. Like I said, I should be happy. I just don’t know why I’m not.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Mother’s Day

I am pretty sure I have mentioned on here before that I have no desire to be a mother. I am not going to say that those feelings have changed but I will say I am starting to feeling guilty about it. I am fortunate that I married a man who feels the same way about children that I do. I still can’t help but wonder what is wrong with me that I am not genetically predisposed to the “Mommy Gene”. Being in a military town only makes matters worse. Women try to fit pregnancies in between deployments so that means there are a ton of pregnant women around within the few months following the return of one of the installation’s major units. A perfect example of that is the fact that I was out shopping for baby gifts for three women in my Sunday School class today. Now our class runs about 20 people on an average Sunday. We are not talking a huge number. Not to mention the two showers I have been to already this year for other women in the class. And that is just at church. That doesn’t even count the wives that are associated with Shawn’s unit or the ladies at work.

Of course church today was focused on mothers. The pastor recognized all the mothers in the congregation and I couldn’t help but wonder if I would ever want to join that club. I agree with what the pastor said about children being a gift from God but I just don’t know if I can do it. I see these women deal with the military lifestyle and raise children primarily on their own and I don’t think I could handle it. I could hardly handle a puppy by myself the last time Shawn was gone. Could I really take care of a baby by myself? My husband frequently tells me that he married me because I had the strength it would take to be a military spouse. However, I believe that having a child to deal with on top of everything else would push the limits of my strength. It is hard enough to take care of myself and go it alone. I can’t imagine having to take care of someone else who can’t take care of themselves during a deployment. So then, why do I feel so selfish for feeling the way I do about having children?

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

Big Surprise…Yeah, Right!

OK…so it really wasn’t a surprise when my mom called yesterday and told me she saw a report about the Department of Defense releasing a list of the troops that will be deploying soon. Of course, Shawn’s unit was on that list. While that information may be a surprise to the civilian world, it is no big shock to those of us who have been living the life of preparation. We have known since Shawn changed units in September that this was on the horizon. No orders didn’t mean it wasn’t going to happen or that something might change. I have tried telling that to my mother-in-law but some how she doesn’t believe me. The funny thing to me is my mom was one of the many people in the US who missed the annoucement about the troop extensions. I guess I take for granted that the news that is important in the military world isn’t as relevant to those on the outside. I just hope that the extension is a sign that this crazy situation will be coming to an end soon.

On a side note: I want to apologize for my disappearing act. I have not had much free time recently. Not that it is totally an excuse but I also haven’t had much to say. I have been disappearing from a lot recently strickly out of a need to be alone. I hope to break out of that soon.