Sunday, October 26, 2008

Some Things Never Change

Here I am sitting at the kitchen table in the spot that was once Vincent's seat until he moved out for college,the seat that I took it over in his absence only to relinquish it when her would return, waiting for the water to boil so I can fix a cup of hot tea for myself and my mom and I realize that some things never change. The strawberries are still on the wall paper and the wood paneling still covers a portion of the breakfast nook and all of the den. I know where to find the mugs and tea bags without asking. This is my home and that idea feels great. This house that I grew up in, with the exception of a few furniture purchases and some appliance upgrades, looks exactly the same as the day I came home from the Mobile Infirmary 31 years ago. Last year when I was going through the early stages of my divorce, being here was comforting, an unchanged island among the ocean of change going on around me. It was sitting at this table that I found the job I currently have online and decided to apply for it. And that was the catalyst for all the change that has taken place in my life in the last year. As I pour the water into my cup, I think about my house in Texas and everything I have there and I wish I had one of my mugs because they are bigger and I am thankful that some things do change.

I was excited when my boss presented the idea of traveling to Alabama for training and for me to head out a few days early to see Mom and Dad. I hadn't been home since my Mardi Gras ball in January and even then I had J with me so I didn't get to spend a lot time with my family. Mom and I started making plans of the places we could and visit while I was here. All spots that I love and haven't been able to visit much since moving to Texas. And then a thought hit me...the church. Momma and Daddy wanted me to go to church with them. Now that shouldn't be a big deal. After all I attend church regularly in Austin. But this church was different. This was the church I grew up in, the church I was married in, the church I hadn't stepped foot in in more than 3 years. The idea filled me with a dread that I couldn't explain. So I addressed it with one of my buddies at work (Sandeep, my male-speak translator, and that is another post for another time) and he instantly understood my concern. There would be people there who had been at my wedding or knew I had been married who hadn't seen me since the divorce. The last thing I want a year later is people feeling sorry for me for something that I have put behind and moved on from. My life is different and better now. I don't want anyone apologizing to me for what I view as a good thing.

Now the last year hasn't been all good. I have had some hard times and some lonely moments. I have had days where I felt like being divorced was the worst thing in the world. In two weeks, I get to deal with two days that could really get to me. One is the first anniversary of my divorce being finalized. Two days later I get to celebrate what would have been my 5th anniversary. I have decided to live it up in high style. I am going to sell my engagement ring that day. I don't want it anymore and the money will be beneficial to me. So I think it is a fitting way to celebrate. A way to close the door of the last year and truly move forward to the excitement of my new life. While I am glad that some things never change, I am truly grateful that some things do.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Facebook

So I changed my relationship status on Facebook this week after my conversation with eHarmony guy and let me tell you that has been the source of much discussion. Apparently a relationship status change is something that many people take notice to. I had 5 people comment on my page about the change as well as an email on the same subject that stemmed from a conversation among my church group. Let's not mention the calls from family members (along with lectures) about said change. I mean...really...is it necessary (the lectures that is)? Maybe I shouldn't have made the change yet. After all, Wally (OK...there I said it) hasn't confirmed the relationship yet*. Not quite sure why that is other than he just may be a little weird about it at this point because boys can be like that. I will admit to being curious when I have noticed changes on other people's pages so I can understand the fastination. However, I am beginning to realize more and more that we are all just bored and Facebook is a good way to fill that time.

*I have been told that I need to clarify this post a bit. When I said he hadn't confirmed the relationship, I meant on FaceBook. There is a place on your page to list if you are married or dating another FaceBook member. If you submit that information with the person's name attached they send a confirmation request to the other person before they will post their name on your page. So when I said he hadn't confirmed it, that is what I meant. In conversations we had, he had confirmed the relationship between the two of us.

The Week in Review

The week started out on a positive note since I finally heard from eHarmony guy on Sunday (yes, he has a name...we will get to that later) who was heading out of town for a week of camping and fishing. Sadly that was going to mean he wouldn't be back until after I left for Alabama so it would be more than a week before we could hang out again. However, due to a change in plans, he was back in town on Monday and called to setup a date for later in the week. Originally scheduled for Wednesday, our date was moved to Tuesday and might I say it was quite successful. We had a great time just talking and hanging out and all the weirdness (thanks to the ex-wife) of the previous couple of weeks seemed to have disappeared. We did establish ourselves as a couple but I am still realizing that this is a relationship I will have to handle differently from others in the past. I am still not 100% certain of the boundaries and how much is too much yet. I am constantly having to take a step back to gain perspective and remind myself that this is still really new. Dena is impressed that I recognize the need to do this and believes it shows great improvement on my part. It doesn't mean that my brain doesn't go crazy with all the nutty thoughts I have when I don't get a phone call. It just means I am getting better at handling all that. I also have to remember that his work schedule is very different from mine. He is a film maker so he doesn't have a set schedule just one that ebbs and flows as jobs come up. So he might be busy for a week working on a project and then nothing for a couple of weeks. That is very different than my typical office setting job. The week progressed with me suffering from a severe lack of sleep thanks to Maverick who has discovered a hiding place in my backyard and will refuse to come in when called for bedtime. That has meant two nights in a row of puppy freedom till well past midnight and me getting up in the middle of the night to let him back in the house. After being in a particularly sour mood at work yesterday, I decided that the best thing for me was to hit the bed early in order to be in a better mood in Friday. Well, this worked like a charm except for the fact that I was wide awake by 5:30 this morning. That being the case I decided to take advantage of the early morning and accomplish some tasks before work. I had spotted an early voting location around the corner from my house yesterday when I was on my way to get gas ($45 to fill my SUV!) so I arrived there shortly after 7 AM to cast my ballot for the election. A quick stop to grab some breakfast and I made it into the office by 8 this morning. This is unheard of for me since I am normally not out of bed until 8. This evening I get to pack my bags to prepare for my trip to Alabama tomorrow. I am quite excited that I will get to watch Alabama beat Tennessee sitting in the comfort of my parents' living room in Mobile. Then I head north to Huntsville for training and some quality time with a couple of my friends there. I must say that this trip couldn't come at a better time since I have needed an escape from Texas for a couple of months now. It will be great to get a break before the craziness of the holidays sets in. I guess that's all for now. I am sure I will have more to report once I return to Texas.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Confused

Well, I will admit that I have been putting off writing anything because I keep hoping that things will change and I will have good news to report. However, that has not been the case. It has been a week since the last time I saw eHarmony guy and a week since he has called me. We have chatted online a couple of times this week with him initiating the conversation but that has been it with no mention of seeing each other again. I am so confused. I don't know if I am getting the big blow off or if he is just taking his time right now. We started off pretty hot and heavy the first week we were dating but things have definitely tapered off since then. I know he had to deal with his ex last week and that is enough to put anyone in a mood for a while but how long? I really like this guy and I don't want to do anything mess up our chances so I am taking the advice of all of my friends and letting him come to me. It's been hard to not initiate contact as that is my typical modus operandi. But I don't want to push and risk pushing him further away. The last phone conversation we had was me asking him what has going on with us. His response was that he enjoyed hanging out with me and had no desire to date anyone else. But that he was new at this whole dating again thing so for me just to relax and have fun. I am not sure what to make of that since we haven't hung out since that conversation. So now I am trying to sit back and relax and make myself available without being too available and see what happens. This is so incredibly hard for me as my inner dialogue is going nuts speculating what is going on. I will keep you posted and hopefully I will have good news to report soon.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Things That I Love

I was listening to my favorite radio show this morning and some of the members of the show were giving lists of things they love. Since I haven't had much to blog about recently (yes, I know I owe an update on the new man.), I figured this would be a good way for me to get in the mood again. So here it goes...just a few things Julie loves (in no particular order)!

1. Maverick - He may be bad at times but he sure does love me.
2. Pedicures - Nothing is better than the foot massage associated with a good pedicure
3. Massages - I would take a good rub down any day.
4. Japenese Lasagna from Tomo Sushi - This is by far my favorite. Think I might have to get some tonight since Happy Hour is next door.
5. Chicken Minis from Chick Fil A - It is so good that I don't live in my apartment anymore since I would stop at least once a week on my way to work.
6. Breakfast Tacos from Rudy's BBQ - Yet another place I used to stop on my way to work.
7. Good Wine - I am still improving my palette so I love opportunities to try new wines.
8. Lysol Wipes - They make cleaning so much easier.
9. Woolite Plus Oxygen Pet Stain & Odor Remover - The best stuff ever if you have a pet in the house.
10. iPod/iPhone - I love having all my favorite tunes at my fingertips and my iPhone keeps my life in check.
11. Alabama Football - I know you guys were all wondering how long it was going to take me to get this on the list.
12. Christmas - There is just something about the atmosphere in the air that time of year.
13. Chapstick 100% Naturals Lip Butter - The best lip balm ever.
14. Aveda Hand Relief Lotion - Smells good and is creamy enough without being greasy.
15. Foosackly's Chicken Fingers, Fries & Ranch Dressing - One of the many places in Mobile that I miss terribly living in Austin.
16. Sephora and Ulta - I love makeup so any place that combines 100s of brands in one location makes me happy.
17. Ikea - Love this store and I now live 10 minutes from it. So bad!

I know there is more so I am sure I will have to update this list. But that is what I can think of right now. Stay tuned!