Thursday, February 23, 2006

How to tell if you are a true Alabamian

While this is intended to be about Alabama, many of the things talked about here can apply to Texas, the state I currently call home. Keep in mind that I was born and raised in Alabama so most of this relates to me. I am adding my own personal commentary to this in italics after each comment.
1. You can properly pronounce Arab, Opelika, Oneonta, and Eufaula. Add Mobile to this list of cities to be able to pronounce correctly. I get tired of hearing people butcher my hometown’s name.

2. You think people who complain about the heat in their states are sissies. I thought Alabama was hot until I moved to Texas. All I pray is that I don’t have to leave my house during the summer in this state.

3. A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel. I have never lived anywhere that is in tornado alley. Hurricanes, however, are a different story.

4. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but by the availability of shade. Shade isn’t an option in Texas. We don’t have trees!

5. Stores don’t have bags or shopping carts, they have sacks and buggies.
Buggies are much more fun to drive. Just ask the Amish.
6. You’ve seen people wear bib overalls at funerals. I don’t know about bib overalls to funerals but at every buffet I have ever been to.

7. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent. Mobile is the second largest city in Alabama so I guess I am one of those people. What I don’t understand is people in Texas (who are native Texans) telling me that I have an accent. Have they listened to themselves talk recently?
8. You measure distance in minutes. I have no concept of distance. Time is all that matters to me.

9. You go to the lake because you think it is like going to the ocean. No matter what anyone tells you, the Gulf of Mexico is NOT the ocean!

10. You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit. You have to listen to the weather forecast because it will be 83 on Thursday and 47 on Friday. (actual weather last week in Killeen)

11. You know cowpies are not made of beef. I don’t even want to touch that one.

12. Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date. OK…so I might be slightly guilty of this one. We did plan our wedding around a federal holiday (Veterans’ Day) but I also checked to make sure Alabama and Arkansas weren’t playing major games that weekend mostly because I didn’t want to miss them!
13. You have known someone who has a belt buckle bigger than your fist. I am beginning to think I am the only person in Texas who doesn’t own a giant belt buckle and cowboy boots. If I did, I don’t know that I would ever seriously wear them.
14. You aren’t surprised to find movie rental, ammunition, beer, and bait all in the same store. All I have to say is the Conoco in Marion, Alabama. Add gas and you are set. It was fun to walk around the life-sized deer target to get to the videos.
15. A Mercedes Benz isn’t a status symbol. A Chevy Silverado Extended Bed Crew Cab is. But I like my BMW!

16. You know everything goes better with Ranch. At this time I would like to thank the staff of the dining hall at Judson College for teaching me this lesson through my four years of terrible food and lots of bagels.
17. You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply. Still can’t shot a gun and I don’t plan on learning. However, I have to multiply everyday at work.
18. You actually get these jokes and are “fixin’ ” to send them to your friends. I am afraid I get all of these and I don’t see what is wrong with fixin’!
Finally:
19. you are 100% Alabamian if you have ever had this conversation: “You wanna coke?” “Yeah.” “What kind?” “Dr Pepper.” I refuse to ever refer to a soft drink as anything other than a coke. The words soda and pop will never pass my lips!

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