Sunday, March 5, 2006
The weekend started off well but busy with Wild West Night on post Friday night. Nearly six hours later, we (the can can girls) had completed 4 performances. Ten minutes of high kicks wouldn’t have phased me in college but at 28 and 30 pounds heavier, my entire body hurt. Not looking forward to getting up for work Saturday morning, I was pleasantly surprised that I was only sore in my lower legs rather than not being able to walk at all like I thought would happen. After visits to the PX, car wash and nail salon, I crashed for a mid afternoon nap. Saturday turned out slow with me completing the night with pizza and myspace. Sunday was even slower with me hardly leaving the couch. I am close to being finished my Sex and the City Marathon. Shawn did call this morning and we were able to have a two hour conversation. I think that is a record for us for both deployments. Of course the majority of the conversation was about his R & R. We only have a month and a half so we really have to decide how to spend our time. I don’t know why I am dreading this so much. I guess I don’t want to get my hopes up about what our time will be like only to be disappointed when it doesn’t turn out how I had hoped it would. Maybe it is terrible but I don’t want to expect too much in order to not be disappointed. I know that isn’t the best way to approach life but I have learned to have lower expectations in order to not be disappointed or to be pleasantly surprised when things turn out better than expected. I know you are thinking I shouldn’t be disappointed by my husband but I am afraid that it is the ones you love the most that often disappoint you the most. You feel that because of their special stature in your life they should know you well enough to know what you want without you having to say that. Some couples may be to that point but I believe I can thank the Army for us not being to that point. We just haven’t had the time as a couple that we should have. I am also worried about how I am going to handle the other side of the coin. I am used to Shawn not being here now. Am I going to have to readjust when he leaves again? Will our life return to normal only to be disrupted all over again? I just don’t know if I can continue to go through all of this. To top everything off, my grandmother is back in the hospital. I am stuck in Texas and there is nothing I can do. I don’t even know if I will get to see her again.