Too Funny Not to Share…Thanks Martha

TO: GOD
FROM: THE DOG

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the Chrysler Eagle the Chrysler Beagle?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, do I still have to apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog.

1 . I will not eat the cat’s food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.

4. The sofa is not a face towel.

5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet.

7. Sticking my nose into someone’s crotch is an unacceptable way of saying hello.

8. I don’t need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m under the coffee table.

9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.

12. The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it’s usually not a good thing.

P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?