Monday, October 15, 2007

Life in Fast Forward

So I feel like someone has hit the fast forward button on my life recently. Two months ago I had just returned from Hawaii and now I am staring down the barrel of my impending divorce. While I have come to terms with the divorce and the actions that led to the divorce, I am still a little overwhelmed at what life has in store for me. I started a new job two weeks ago which was a very good thing for me because it was more money and got me away from a situation I needed to be out of. I fully intended to move to Austin next month for the new job. However, after reevaluating my financial situation, I determined it was best for me to sit tight in Killeen until I get an offer on my house. To be honest, the thought of moving on scares me a bit. And I am starting to reconsider whether or not I made the best decision taking the new job. I now understand what my friend, Karen, went through when her husband retired from the Army earlier this year. The Army becomes such a way of life that you feel like you are losing your identity when you are no longer an Army spouse. I didn’t fully appreciate how much it was a part of who I was until the last few days. I started to think back not only on being married to military but also dating the military. With the exception of 1 or 2 guys, the majority of the men I have dated since I was 18 have been military in some way, shape or form. I almost don’t know how to function without thinking about deployments, PT, or NTC rotations. So it should come as no surprise that I have met someone whom I am interested in and (big shocker here!) he is also in the Army. I am not completely sure of his interest level for me as of yet but I do enjoy talking to him and spending time with him. However, he is heading to NTC next month and I feel like I am having a deja vu moment. I know I need to take things slow and somehow that is hard for me. I tend to jump in with both feet and that is what causes me to get hurt. So, I am working on backing off a bit and trying to let things take their natural course. I do want to get to know this person better and I would hate to jeopardize before it really gets a chance to start. So…what I need is suggestions on how to play hard to get. Any ideas? Pass them to me.

UPDATE: Apparently I suck at playing hard to get. So, Sarah, thanks for the advice. I will have to try it at some point but I couldn’t stick to it this time.

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