Thursday, August 14, 2008

Ready or Not

I was supposed to have a date tonight. I cancelled. Why? I am not really sure. I have been on a bit of a dating hiatus recently mostly because I haven't found myself really being attracted to anyone. I know it has been more than a month since the last time I went on a date. It has partially been due to a lack of interesting prospects and partially due to my own personal issues. I have realized that I was trying too hard to find someone after Shawn and I split up and I don't think I was ready to move on yet. I think I need time to be me and get used to it just being me again. It took me some time to realize that and that has been what the last six months have really been about. It goes back to something J said to me right after we broke up and that was that I couldn't lean on him. It wasn't until I moved into my house that I realized how much I had tried to do that not only with him but during the short period of time I dated James. Since I have moved, I have had to take care of everything myself. The more I have been on my own the more I have wanted to remain on my own. However, my eHarmony inbox has exploded recently. For the first time since I joined nearly a year ago, I have found myself with several interesting prospects. So now I have to decide if I am ready to take the step that I am obviously dreading. The breakup with J was so hard on me that I think I am guarding myself because I don't want to go through that again. But I know I have to put myself out there again if I am ever going to find someone to spend my life with. So ready or not here I come...stay tuned.

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