Monday, October 5, 2009

My Cloak of Invisibility

In the Harry Potter movies, Harry has a cloak that belonged to his father that allows him to be invisible. At some point in time in my marriage, I think I unintentionally donned an invisibility cloak. I believe I did certain things to make my husband notice me only to still feel ignored. This is an issue I continue to struggle with in my (nonexistent) dating. The crazy thing is I only realized it recently. I knew that one of the issues with my ex was the lack of attention I felt I was getting from him. What I didn't realize is that I am still starving for that attention. I had thought about it a lot but I hadn't really faced it dead on until a couple of weeks ago when I poured my heart out to my hairdresser. (How is it we can talk to people we barely know about things like this but not to our closest friends?) I haven't been on a date in a year and I know the reason is because I can't take anymore disappointment in that area my life. I use the excuse that I am too busy or that I am trying not to focus on that right now. But truth be told all I want is for someone to pick me up and take me to a nice dinner. That is where the invisible feelings come in. I feel like guys don't notice me anymore. Maybe I just don't realize it but I would be happy to have someone flirt with me for a little while at this point. I am just trying to figure out how I lost site of the person I once was and remember that girl and how happy she used to be.

In other news, my ex is engaged. I am not sure how I feel about that except that it is weird. And that is frankly all I can say about that right now.

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