Thursday, August 12, 2010

Back to the Land of the Married People

After being married for 4 years, returning to the world of Single People was difficult to say the least. Dating sucks and I now had a whole new set of baggage to carry from my divorce to make things that much more difficult. I had a lot of hang-ups related to what I had experienced during my time as Army Wife that I knew those would carry over into my new life. Some were good, some not so much. I knew I was a lot more independent and opinionated than I had been when I dated in my twenties and I hoped I was stronger but I still managed to let guys get to me in some ways worse than before I got married. Fortunately with the Sheriff, I felt pretty opened and comfortable to talk about my issues (and his as well) so that we could work through them together and hopefully not face some of the same problems in the future.
The Sheriff and I met in the Singles department at our church. A singles department which has been pretty successful at bringing couples together. Since I started attending GHBC in the fall of 2008, we were the 7th couple that met in the department and ended up getting married. Prior to our engagement, I heard a lot of complaints about the couples getting married and leaving their single friends behind. Those who voiced these opinions felt that marriage had changed these people and the married people acted like the single people were beneath them. As someone who has been on both sides of the coin, I knew the truth behind this complaint. Married people don’t think single people are beneath them but marriage does change you.
When I got married the first time, I found it hard to stay friends with my single friends for a variety of reasons. For one, it can be awkward to the lone individual when everyone else is paired up. For two, your priorities change. You no longer just focus on yourself and having fun whenever you want. You have another person to think about now and it isn’t as easy to work around two schedules as it to work around one. The sad part for me was that when I got divorced, the same was true. Granted I moved almost as soon as it happened but it was still difficult to continue friendships with those who had been around me during my married days.
What I have come to realize as I re-enter the Land of the Married People is that the singles are just as bad about alienating the marrieds. When the Sheriff and I got engaged, I noticed that certain things began to happen. The girls I was friends with in the group no longer invited me to join them when they had ladies only evenings. Comments were made about our presence in the group further pushing the fact that the Sheriff and I were the odd ones out to begin with. Someone even once asked about a month before we left the department why we were still there.
So here we are back in the Land of the Married People. Starting over again. Following a path that is familiar yet different. I know I will take some friends with me and some will choose to stay behind. In the end, it will be both of our faults.

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