Challenges

Tonight was H.Y.M.N at Awana at church.  We didn't go.  H.Y.M.N. stands for Honor Your Mother Night.  I had been thinking about this night ever since we got the Awana calendar.  I wasn't sure how to approach it or what Kiddo would think.  The Sheriff and I hadn't discussed it so I assumed he thought we would just go and not think anything of it.  The truth was I knew it would be a rough night for me.  I am not Kiddo's mother and I get subtle reminders of that on a regular basis.  Kiddo also frequently tells anyone who mentions his mother that she is far away.  Usually the people are referring to me because they have no way of knowing that I am actually the step mother.  So then I get a strange look from the person who made the original comment and have to explain our situation to a complete stranger.  I didn't want to go to church on a night that was focused on mothers and risk hearing Kiddo tell everyone that his Mommy wasn't there.  The Sheriff asked me what I was thinking about going tonight and left the decision up to me.  He understood my concerns about the evening and didn't want me in a position where I would be uncomfortable.  I knew I would have some friends there and that it probably would have been OK but I just couldn't bear the thought.  I am probably being a tad selfish or melodramatic about all this but this full-time step mother business is hard.  I have all the responsibility of being Kiddo's mom but I get none of the reward from it.  Just tonight the Sheriff was helping Kiddo write an email to his mom and he was so excited about sending the letter to her.  All I can think is that there will never be anyone who will hold me in the same regard as a child does its mother.  It just makes me sad.