Tuesday, April 26, 2011

The Waiting Game

A single pregnancy lasts a long time.  9 months, 40 weeks, 2/3 of a year.  However you want to look at it, it is still a long time.  And when you are the one who is pregnant, it seems to stretch out like an eternity before you.  Never ending or maybe that is the way you want to imagine it in your mind.  But at the same time, it goes by so fast you almost miss it.  At least that is the way it is for me.  I tell people I only have 3 months left and they tell me it will be here before I know it.  But to me, it feels like it was just yesterday that I found out Jackson was on his way.

Thinking back over the last 6 months today, I realized that pregnancy is nothing but a big waiting game. After the initial thrill of finding out you are pregnant, you have to wait until you find out if the baby is a boy or a girl.  Then you have to wait again until you actually have to baby.  In between those moments, there are a lot of little moments: hearing the heartbeat for the first time, feeling the first kicks, picking out a name.  They are all fun and they are all preparation for meeting your little one but the anticipation of the big moment of arrival is probably the biggest waiting game of all.

I made the comment on twitter today that I was starting to lose track of what week I am in.  The truth is they have blended together a bit for me.  One of my friends responded to my comment that I should think in terms of how long I have left, not in terms of how far along I am.  At that point, I started to panic.  I know how long I have left and, while that 13 weeks feels like a long time, it really isn't that long in the grand scheme of things.  I look at the list of everything I need to do and everything I need to get between now and my overly anal brain kicks in and I can't stand it.  There is so much hurry up and wait.  I don't deal well with that.  Patience has never been my strong point.  Part of me wants to go to sleep and wake up and Jackson be here.  I want to meet my son.  And part of me wants to wait and enjoy this and savor the time we have just the two of us before I have to share him with the rest of the world.  And then there is the part that is completely freaking out about what to do once Jackson gets here.  I really do hope that the maternal instinct kicks in because I feel like I have no clue how to handle a newborn.  But I guess I will get through it somehow.  I don't have much of a choice now!

1 comment:

kate said...

You'll be fine, Jules. Your maternal instincts are there. Much love.