Sunday, August 14, 2011

I'm Not Superwoman

One of my friends had to remind me on twitter yesterday that I am not, in fact, superwoman.  That is something I guess I am having a hard time with.  I had a baby just over 3 weeks ago via c-section (more to come on that later).  A c-section is a major surgery.  It takes time to heal and recovery.  You cannot resume normal activities immediately after.  Somehow, I cannot get that message through my head.

I feel like I have gotten mixed messages on how to handle recovery.  Some say get up and get moving while some say take it easy.  I went with get moving which meant going to the store, going to the mall, going to church, anywhere we needed to go I went.  Mom was worried I was over doing it and kept telling me I didn't need to be taking Jackson out this early.  Apparently, she was right only Jackson wasn't the one we needed to worry about.

I ended up back in the hospital.  As if 6 days at delivery wasn't enough, another 24 hours was just what the doctor ordered (ha!).  When I went to the doctor Thursday for yet another blood pressure check, they got concerned because my BP was elevated again and I mentioned the persistent headache I had been having for about 2 weeks.  I tried to tell them it was either stress, hormones, or the heat (it is after all 107 here!)  But they were worried I was still feeling the effects of the preeclampsia so back to the hospital I went for 24 hours on magnesium to see if that would help the issue.  I was not happy.  Chris and I ran home from the doctor's office (which of course is across the street from the hospital) to gather our things and make arrangements for Sean for the evening and then headed back to the hospital with Jackson in tow.  Fortunately it didn't take too long because I still had my toiletries and a few other items packed from my last trip to the hospital.  The difference this time was that I wasn't 9 months pregnant.  I was 3 weeks postpartum.

The whole experience was miserable.  The only redeeming factor was being placed in a labor and delivery room which is larger and nicer than the other rooms in the hospital not that I was able to get up and move around and enjoy it.  After a couple of hours on the magnesium, I felt worse than I did when I entered the hospital.  I had a full blown migraine and I was completely nauseous.  Nothing they were doing was making me feel any better.  There were a lot of tears shed in 24 hours.  I couldn't hold Jackson because of everything hooked up to me and I couldn't be left alone with him so Chris had to take him whenever he left the room.  And to top it all off, I'm still not 100% certain what was wrong with me.  I left the hospital with more pain meds, some for incision pain and some for headaches, and orders to basically do nothing.  I've been told housework can wait.  I need to focus on taking care of myself and Jackson and that is it.  The crappy thing is Chris goes back to work in a week so I will have to start doing more around the house then.  I guess I should have taken more advantage of having him home instead of trying to accomplish every possible task while I had him here.

So here I am kicked back on the couch staring at my messy living room wondering which maid service would be the best one to call.  (My mom has offered to hire someone to clean the house for me.)  I feel bad because I feel like I am ordering Chris around but he keeps catching me grimace if the pain gets a little bad and telling me to go sit down.  I don't like feeling helpless.  But I guess I have to get it through my head that I am supposed to take it easy right now.  That not only is it necessary but it is OK.  It's one of the few times in my life I will get to do this so I should enjoy it while I can.  It's just hard when you are used to being the one running the household.

The irony of the situation is that I walked into the hospital on Thursday and was told how great I was walking for someone who had  c-section 3 weeks earlier only to be wheeled out of the hospital the next day because I could barely stand up.

1 comment:

CraftyHope said...

I'm glad what I said clicked a little. Of course, I do think you are an amazing person. . .but I also want you to heal and "enjoy" the time you have with Jackson before you go back to work. Take it easy, get better, and know that I'm thinking and praying for you!