Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Finally Someone Gets It

You won't find me talking about stepparenting on here very often for a variety of reasons.  I am concerned that things I say might be taken negatively when they are intended to be as well as the boundaries of discussing a child that isn't mine on the internet.  I know as Jackson's mother, I wouldn't want him being a topic of conversation on the internet by someone else.  I can only hope that Sean's mother feels the same way.  However, there are times when I will lift the censor long enough to address something I really feel like I need to share.  This is one of those times.

A couple of weeks ago, someone posted a link to this post on Twitter: This is not a Bonus Mom.  Obviously my curiosity was peaked so I had to check it out.  And boy, was I glad that I did.  For the first time since becoming a stepmom (and even while we dating/engaged), I felt like someone actually got it.  This is what I had been trying to explain to Chris this whole time.  I am not Sean's mom.  And as mean and harsh as that can sound, it is the truth not only in the fact that I didn't give birth to him but as in the fact that he doesn't want me to be his mom.  He knows that I am not his mother and he has a mom who he has a relationship with even though it is limited due to distance and her own lack of attention.

Early on, Chris expressed a desire for me to fill the role of mom in Sean's life.  It has taken several conversations to get across to him that I cannot fill that role.  I will love him and care for him but mom I will never be.  Chris doesn't understand this completely because he will never be in the same position I am in.  Nor will he ever understand that at times I have to put a bit of a wall up because it is hard raising someone else's child as your own and knowing the whole time that child would rather have someone else standing in your place.  I think the best way to look at it is that I am part of the village that is helping to raise Sean.  One day he will understand what all has been done for him.  But until then, he is just a child who wants his mother and that just breaks my heart.

1 comment:

Stephanie said...

Yes! This! That's exactly it.