A Year Later

I decided to take a pregnancy test a year ago today on a whim after watching the episode of Life Unexpected where Shiri Appleby's character found out she was pregnant.  Something about her symptoms struck a cord with me.  I had been feeling off but didn't think much about it. Imagine my shock when I took the test (alone since Chris was at work) and it was positive.  (I took 3 more before it was over it just to reassure myself.)  I read the directions about 5 times to make sure I was reading the test right and then I took a second one to make sure.  It was so hard not to be able to share my excitement with Chris once the initial shock wore off.  Trying to sleep after learning that news was awful. I could barely wait till he got home the next morning.  I called him as soon as his shift was over to see what he had to say about the numerous texts he had received over the evening.

I was always on the fence about becoming a mother but I feared I would miss out if I didn't at least try.  I wasn't sure if I had what it took.  I have surprised myself.  I love that little boy more than I could ever imagine I would.  I'll admit that I had a tough time at first when I found out I was expecting a boy. I wanted a little girl so badly that my heart broke a little.  But then he became real to me and now I can't imagine it any other way.

After I found out Jackson was on his way a year ago today, I couldn't wait to meet him.  I wanted to know who this little person was going to be. I worried something would happen to him every day of my pregnancy.  I worried through my delivery and now I worry every day.  I can't wait to see the man he will become.  But for now I will snuggle and love on him while he will still let me.  I miss him when he is not around and I realize my life would not be complete without him in it.