Monday, February 20, 2012

It Struck a Chord

It is no secret to those who have known me for a while that there was a time not that long ago when I didn't want children. I didn't think I had the maternal instinct and I just couldn't see myself with kids. We used to joke in college that I was going to be the favorite "aunt" of my closest friends' children. Ironically, I am the only one of us with a child now.

One of the things that worked with my first husband was that he felt the same way about having children as I did. Towards the end of our marriage, my thoughts on the subject were beginning to change and that added to the problems between is. Ultimately, I realized it wasn't that I didn't want kids but that I didn't want them with him. Getting divorced at 30 led me to believe I wouldn't have a chance for motherhood. Chris even told me once that he believed I would be happy whether or not I had a baby but I knew in my heart of hearts I really wanted to experience it. I am glad that changed and that I have Jackson now.

However, I am sure there are those who were surprised when I announced my pregnancy. I know it was hard for my sister-in-law to hear I was pregnant after she had been trying for years with no luck and I had spent that time proclaiming my lack of desire for a baby. She told me once she wanted
us to be pregnant together. In the end, that was true for a short period of time.

I do not believe for a moment my sister-in-law or any of my friends would hold my past feelings of my head. Things change and people change. So imagine my surprise when my aunt mocked me this weekend about my past lack of desire for children as I shared stories about Jackson with her. To say it hurt would be a bit of an understatement.

This evening I was watching Grey's Anatomy from last week. One of the story lines revolves around a couple on the edge of a divorce. The underlying issue was the wife's lack of desire for children which led to her having an abortion. The husband just couldn't understand how she could possibly not want kids. I just wanted to scream at the tv. I got it because I had been there. I knew what it was like to not have that desire and to have people think there was something wrong with you because you felt that way. And here I am now living proof that people can change. I wouldn't trade my baby for the world but please don't mock me because I once had a different opinion on the subject.

3 comments:

Mrs. Irritation said...

It's as ridiculous to hold you to your previous child bearing desires as it is to assume you still love New Kids on the Block, sleep with 14 stuffed animals and only eat orange foods. That's so sad. People grow, people change, life happens. That's what makes us amazing humans!

andreaunplugged said...

Ugh. Sorry to hear this happened to you. There's no need for mocking. Very excellent comparison Mrs. Irritation! why can't people change their minds?!?!

Tara said...

You're so wonderful, Julie. So real. I'm so happy to know you!