The answer is no to all of the above. There is no doubt that I love Jackson with all my heart. Anyone who sees us together knows that. Nor is there any doubt that he loves me and is very much a Momma's boy. Yes, I have thought about trying to stay home several times since I found out I was pregnant but that isn't a possibility for us. Even if it was, I am not sure that is a decision I would make. Jackson enjoys his time at daycare and he learns things there that I am not sure I would be able to teach him. I also do better having some time away from him which allows me to better enjoy the time we spend together. I make it a point to plan family activities whenever possible so we can make memories as a family. Are there days when I wish I could be home? Yes. Are there things I have missed because I work? Yes. It frustrates me to no end to see activities I would love to take Jackson to but can't because they fall during the week.
Being a working mom is hard because I know what I am doing is helping provide a good life for my child but it doesn't take away the guilt I feel on those mornings when I leave him crying in someone else's arms (Chris's, his teachers) because he just wants me to stay. (This doesn't happen often but when it does, I feel terrible.) I also wouldn't question the decision of someone who decides to stay home. I know their job is just as hard because they do spend so much time with their children often with few breaks while trying to maintain a household and keep it functioning. Neither job is easy which is why I think someone in the opposite situation needs to be careful before making statements that could be deemed as a judgement from someone on the other side.
I learned something out of all of this. I can only be the best mom I can be and it isn't for someone else to determine what that looks like. I can't allow someone else to question my parenting or my decisions because they are not living my life and what works for them may not work for me. I know I will never be the mom that bakes cakes for birthdays or makes homemade valentine's or volunteers weekly at my kid's school. That just isn't who I am. I wouldn't do that if I stayed home. I look at pins on Pinterest of school lunches done up in cutesy ways and fun shapes and all I think is, "I don't have time for that nor would my kids want that." Frequently I think I am screwing everything up because Jackson is a toddler and some days are hard and I feel like I have no control over him. And maybe I am but then he will give me a hug and a kiss and say, "I wuv you, Mommy" and I know that everything is OK. All that really matters is that he is happy and healthy and thriving and if I accomplish those things, then I have been successful in my job.
Being a working mom is hard because I know what I am doing is helping provide a good life for my child but it doesn't take away the guilt I feel on those mornings when I leave him crying in someone else's arms (Chris's, his teachers) because he just wants me to stay. (This doesn't happen often but when it does, I feel terrible.) I also wouldn't question the decision of someone who decides to stay home. I know their job is just as hard because they do spend so much time with their children often with few breaks while trying to maintain a household and keep it functioning. Neither job is easy which is why I think someone in the opposite situation needs to be careful before making statements that could be deemed as a judgement from someone on the other side.
I learned something out of all of this. I can only be the best mom I can be and it isn't for someone else to determine what that looks like. I can't allow someone else to question my parenting or my decisions because they are not living my life and what works for them may not work for me. I know I will never be the mom that bakes cakes for birthdays or makes homemade valentine's or volunteers weekly at my kid's school. That just isn't who I am. I wouldn't do that if I stayed home. I look at pins on Pinterest of school lunches done up in cutesy ways and fun shapes and all I think is, "I don't have time for that nor would my kids want that." Frequently I think I am screwing everything up because Jackson is a toddler and some days are hard and I feel like I have no control over him. And maybe I am but then he will give me a hug and a kiss and say, "I wuv you, Mommy" and I know that everything is OK. All that really matters is that he is happy and healthy and thriving and if I accomplish those things, then I have been successful in my job.
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