Saturday, April 19, 2008
So a couple of weeks ago I wrote a blog asking the MavsMom faithfuls to weigh in on whether or not I am codependent. And I got not even so much as a spam comment back on that one. Hum...makes me wonder because I know several of you have strong opinions and are typically not afraid to voice those opinions (cough...Aardvark...cough). So needless to say I was surprised. That being said I suspect the reason no one spoke up was out of fear of hurting my feelings (or at least that is what I am going to believe.) Here is the conclusion I have come to since then: Yes, I do think I am codependent and I do believe it is a problem. So I have taken the first step to remedy that problem today. I have an appointment to see a therapist later this week. I probably should have done this when Shawn and I first split up but I honestly thought I was handling everything just fine. The reality is that I wasn't. I am lonely and lonely is something I don't handle well. Just count the number of empty wine bottles in my garbage on a weekly basis and you will know I am not handling everything well. The breaking point came in the last 24 hours when I got mad for no reason after a bottle or 3 too many of wine and then later realized that I didn't know why I had gotten mad. The only thing I can figure is that I was taking my anger and frustration over everything that has happened in the last year out on the person I was supposed to be closest to (sorry, James). So today as he finished breaking up with me he told me that not only was he not ready for a relationship (why is it that I make all men realize that?) but neither was I and I needed to take some time for me. The thing was before I always thought I had had enough time for me since I had spent so much time alone. However I realize now that being alone didn't mean I was taking care of me and that is precisely what I need to do now. No more wine, no more boyfriends. Just me trying to figure out what I want and what I enjoy. So there you have it. Feel free to comment because I truly want to know what you think.